My Story
As I lay in the E.R. waiting for the morphine to kick in, I found myself wondering how I'd gotten here. I was trapped by a paralyzing sense of dread every time I thought about the monster I had built.
My business had just hit a quarter million in revenue for the year and I felt more trapped than ever. On paper, I was the visionary and founder of a thriving coaching business. But, behind the scenes, my business was my greatest source of anxiety.
I had followed all the “rules” on how to niche, grow, and automate a “soul-led” business.
But there I was, lying in a hospital bed, burnt out for a second time, feeling about as far from fulfilled as I could get. I had turned my passion for connection and communication into a booming relationship coaching business for brave, driven people. There were engagements and marriages and growing families that had all been made nudged forward by my programs. And yet, the advice I was getting in the high-end masterminds that I was over-invested in was taking my business further and further away from the intimate connections that I had built it to nurture.
“Automate and delegate!”
“Charge high ticket!”
“Get in the frequency of abundance!”
It was all jumbling together to make me feel more disconnected from my work than ever before. Running my business felt like a hamster wheel I couldn’t get of. Making money sustainably felt more esoteric and evasive than ever before. There was always a "next level" I was suppose to be buying into.
I did everything I was told I needed to do in order to create a successful online business…
I committed to “being the client I wanted to attract” and invested in higher and higher-end coaching.
I relentlessly worked on my limiting beliefs and scarcity mindset.
I organized summits, ran challenges, and hosted big lead-generation events.
I charged high ticket prices and ran group programs.
I learned how to write copy, do sales calls, structure launches, achieve $50k cash months...
AND IT PUT ME IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM.
While I was coaching my clients NOT to contort themselves to fit into someone else's box... I was doing exactly that to myself.
I was exhausted. I was sick. I felt like I had fallen out of love with coaching and the MLM culture that had co-opted such a potentially beneficial sector full of people that got into it because they genuinely wanted to help others live happier, healthier, more sustainable lives.
I yearned to let go of all the things I had been taught so that I wasn't constantly second-guessing my creative process. I was tired of hearing pithy but overly reductionist marketing “tips” in my head that made it hard for me to communicate authentically with other people. I longed for the freedom the business coaches I hired had claimed they would help me create.
I had burned out. Mentally, emotionally, and physically.
I made decision to shutter my business and let go of my amazing team. It was deeply painful. My heart became heavy with grief and my confidence was fractured. I felt like a true failure.
Out of necessity, I turned all of my attention and towards getting healthy again. I spent months assembling a health care team. I let myself rest. And rest. And rest. And rest some more. It took me over 2 years to recover to a functional baseline and I now live with chronic health conditions that resulted from burning out.
When I could finally work again, I dedicated myself to unlearning the bad business advice I’d been taught so that I could rediscover joy in my work. I dove into learning about anti-capitalist business practices, equity-centered business models, and what it means to center people and planetary well-being at the center of how we design and lead organizations.
Now I am finally enjoying the freedom, quality of life, and prosperity I was striving for when I invested in all those high-end business coaches.
I serve as the part-time as an Executive Director for an incredible non-profit that I deeply believe in, while also working with a few values-aligned consulting clients each year.
I am healthy more often than not. I enjoy a true work-life balance that allows me to deliver above and beyond my work commitments while still supporting my ability to rest and restore.
Our businesses must sustain us or eventually both will fail.
I am a queer, neurodivergent, living with chronic health issues, and these nuanced considerations directly inform how I encourage people to design, develop, and lead their own companies so that they are supportive ecosystems for everyone - you, your team, your clients, and the planet.