The secret ingredient to Epic Fucking Love!!

Did I just discover the secret ingredient to EPIC FUCKING LOVE?!?!?

I just got the whole “I am love” thing.

But like, for real this time.

I mean I had felt it before - an unconditional, radiant force flowing through my body. Feeling of the world but beyond it at the same time. Closing my eyes and looking into my heart to become completely awash with an unconditional beauty of offering and openness.

But last night I finally got it in practical terms.

I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep when it hit me.

The dots connected backwards.

When I am open and flowing with love for life and for myself, I get to be in love romantically too. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!! It is not something that originates outside of me. It is not something my partner “does” to me or “makes me feel”. It’s starts inside of me and gets to express on and into this other miraculous creature.

If you've been waiting to love until there is someone to love, the path is going to be waaaaay more painful than it has to be.

When I am epically and emphatically in love with my existence and I am showing up as my most expressed, authentic self… I am utterly and totally in love with my man.

When I am dropping standard, biting my tongue, contorting, playing small, tiptoeing around his feelings… I somehow begin to find fault in him or in us.

And yet I AM THE ONE SHAPESHIFTING. He never asks that of me. I interpret and make up rules of what I can and can't share. Who and how I can or can't be. I am the one who has been editing my desires based on what my social conditioning perceives I am supposed to do.

When I feel less in love with him, it is actually a reflection that I have been allowing myself to be less in love with me and my life, not the other way around. That I have been compromising my expression. That I have been withholding - love, anger, sadness, disappointment, fear, power, my truth - all of it! That I have deemed myself too much or too little. That I am turning my back on myself.

When I own my truth and sadness and joy and anger and disappointment and fear OUT LOUD, I show myself that I am worth being exactly how much I am. That this creature is allowed to be exactly who she is and that I'm faithfully committed to her birthright to be here. That she's worthy.

Note, I am not taking my emotions out on anyone, but I am honoring their right to exist. I am releasing the need to judge them and decide if they are right or wrong. Releasing the need to have a good or logical reason for why they are there. They are there and that gets to be enough.

My friend Nathaniel once said something so simple and yet profound to me about feelings that I hear it often when I catch myself being hard on myself.

"That's why they are there. They are meant to be felt."

When I am fiercely, fondly, and freely on my side in Love, I get to be head over heels in love with my man. It's the symptom, not the cause.

Writing it out it seems so simple but that moment of lightning strike, when the a-ha came into full view in high definition. That was pretty dang cool!!!

I mean, a sneaky part of me feels like I cracked the code. I mean, is there even a boss level after this?!?! Like this is it. Like I found the win-the-damn-game hack.

Now, I practice. In perpetuity.

Do you feel me?!

xoxo

Theora

Theora Moench