3 Things You Currently Believe That Are KILLING Intimate Passion in Your Life

 Stop settling and start enjoying your love life more now!

Stop settling and start enjoying your love life more now!

3 Things You Currently Believe That Are KILLING Passion in Your Life

Who doesn’t want more amazing sex and connection?!  Whether it is with a long time partner or tinder prospect #64, we would all love more spine tingling pleasure and brain pulverizing sensuality in our lives. Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s available to you and it is simpler than you think. 

First of all, let me explain what I mean by intimacy. When I say intimacy, I am talking about the realm of your life that encapsulates sexuality, love, connection, affection, dating, intimate partnership, chemistry, closeness, pleasure, polarity, romance, and sensuality. I call this sacred sexuality, but then again I have an altar and a crystal collection at home, so for your sake, dear reader, I will err more towards the current language of the zeitgeist.

Secondly, I need to whack-a-mole a few commonly held limiting beliefs that are zapping the juice out of your love life.

 

Myth #1 - Chemistry “just happens”.

Myth #2 - The spark will fade.

Myth #3 - That is just the way it is and we better get used to it.

 

Myth #1 - Chemistry “just happens”.

No way dudettes, dudes, and duders. Chemistry does NOT “just happen”. When we first meet someone we bust our ass to be the absolute best version of ourselves. We play full out, tapping into our sexiest, smartest, boldest, kindest, friendliest, funniest self because we want that homosapien to really dig this homosapien. And they’re bending over backwards to do the same! Can you imagine what would happen if one year in, you both still showed up with this kind of energy, presence, and commitment? What about 5 years? What about 30? Yeah, it would still be flippin’ awesome. If you want the relationship to last, keep doing what you did in the beginning. Which leads me to…

 

Myth #2 - The spark will fade.

The spark only fades because at some point we consciously, or unconsciously, decide that we should no longer have to show up as our best self and they should not only love us anyway but also meet our needs for us. This is the fatal blow that guts even the most magical of beginnings. Now, we all want someone who will love and tend to us when the shit hits the fan and by all means, you deserve someone that will! I 100% advocate that you choose someone who will love you when you can’t be your best self, someone that will truly have your back when you stumble, because oh man will you! But the inherent flaw in this attitude is the belief that it is our right not to be our best selves while we demand them to be their best selves. When they don’t we become resentful, we blame, we withdraw, and our eyes and imagination start to wander to greener pastures. This is the energy of entitlement, and trust me, nobody wants to go down on that!! If you are unwilling to wake up each morning and commit fully to juicing life as best you can then why on earth should the person across the breakfast table commit fully to lighting you up? Ew. Just Ew. If that is the relationship dynamic you are looking for, wait for them to come out with Love-bots, you can program them however you’d like. But in the meantime, we’ve got good, old fashioned, flesh and blood humans and I would highly recommend them. They're great.

 

Myth #3 - That is just the way it is and we better get used to it.

Oh Myth #3, how sneaky and pervasive you are! The evaporation of romantic electricity may be common but I refuse to let it be normal. This, my friends, is called settling, and as Morgan Field (who?) says, settling is for suckers. This is a delusion we tolerate because for some hair-brained reason we think that love shouldn’t be work. Well why the heck not? The things I love most all require their fair share of work and the work is often of the best part!! So here comes the metaphor. Bear with me people!

 

Imagine that love is like a garden. You are a co-gardener. You and Gardener #2 plant this yummy little garden together and let me tell you, it is beautiful AF. I mean, Home & Garden beautiful. You look over at G2 adoringly and think “Now that is what I call one good lookin’ gardener!! I can’t believe we just created this little slice of paradise. Damn!” You play in your garden. It smells good, looks good, and brings you tons of joy. Then, after a few weeks, something shocking happens. YOU SEE SOME WEEDS GROWING IN YOUR MOTHERFLIPPIN’ GARDEN!!

 

What you do next determines if this co-gardening experience remains a magical one or if you begin to slowly slide down a slippery, slippery slope.

 

Option 1: You see the weeds, you pull them out, and don’t mention anything to G2 hoping they’ll notice what a great gardener you are. After while though, you start to feel resentful because it feels like you are doing all the weeding while G2 sits back and communes with the hummingbirds all damn day. 

Option 2. You see the weeds, you tell G2 that they should pull their weeds and that you’ll pull yours because you are both gardeners after all and that is what they are supposed to do. But then you notice that they missed some and you become resentful that they did a lousy job. It still feels like your pulling more than your fair share of weeds and frankly you’re starting to entertain the idea of giving up weeding all together.

Option 3: You see the weeds, your eyes light up, and you look over at G2 to exclaim excitedly, “Look! Weeds! Let’s yank that shit!” You both joyfully dive in together yanking up the little suckers, playfully fighting over who gets to pull out more weeds until you eventually fall down and make dirty, scratchy love on the freshly tilled earth.

 

My point is this. Every morning we have the opportunity to be the gardeners in Option #3. If you have been stuck circling the drains of Options 1 and 2, can you imagine what would happen to your love life if all of a sudden you decided to raise your own standard and be a Level 3 gardener and that you wouldn’t tolerate anything less from yourself? Well, it would be hella rocky at first. But it would also probably shake out some grungy, old patterns and open the door to a totally new way of being with your partner or prospective partners and it would definitely inject a new kind of energy into your love life than the one you’ve been contributing lately. 

 

I didn’t say it would be easy. I said it would be simple. It will require effort but I think effort doesn’t have to be hard. It can be a whole host of other things. Like playful, scary, uncomfortable, exciting, sexy, weird, and hopeful, to name a few.

 

Want to know how to begin shifting and upgrading the caliber of intimacy in your life RIGHT NOW? Download these 4 simple steps to get rockin’ and rollin’ right away!