In my last article I proposed opting out of digital dating all together. Some of you did and some of you are still rocking the online scene like a boss. Keep on with your bad self!
For those of you who did decide to leave the world of profiles and apps and swipes behind, fear not! I am here with a rad new way to date that will blow your mind because it is tailor-made just for you AND it consists of everything you love the most.
Yes. Really. Everything.
AND because I so dearly want to be your Fairy Love Mother, I have included a downloadable worksheet below for you to play with. My treat! Welcome to Spring baby! Life is good.
SPOILER: TOUGH LOVE INCOMING
First and foremost you have to be willing to give up the right to be a victim. I can’t tell you how many people I talk to who claim that there are no eligible prospects in their ENTIRE city [insert eye roll] among other ludicrous and self-sabotaging scarcity beliefs. And it’s true because all their friends say so too. So there! Well if you want to hold on to that belief, go ahead, but stop reading now because I can’t help you if you are determined to play the victim. It’s whiney, entitled, and unattractive whether you say it out loud or not. If you catch yourself thinking “all the good ones are married”, or “they’re the wrong sexual orientation”, or “they must still be single for a reason”, you are making yourself the victim and/or the martyr and is SERIOUSLY NOT CUTE.
EARTH TO HOTSTUFF
Start replacing your “Why me?” attitude with the question “What’s next?”. Instead of throwing yourself a solo pity party or worse hanging out with other people who also complain about how lackluster their love lives are and feeding off each others' gunky attitudes, ask yourself what you want to do next!! Is it take yourself out to a movie? Throw a party? Go to the museum? Join a matchmaking service? Ask your friends to set you up with eligible prospects? Is it take a beekeeping class?
First and foremost, you have got to put yourself in the way of new people and new experiences. You have got to put yourself in the way of love and that means living more fully. Get out there in that wild world and let it know that you on the market and accepting applications!!! Take a step forward. It doesn’t have to be a perfect step forward but you must move towards your dreams if you ever want to reach them.
DARE TO FLIRT
I’m so crazy! I know. You have to connect with people. Will you get rejected? Yup. Will it be uncomfortable sometimes? Yes. Will you be a badass? Definitely.
Quick note on flirting: flirting cannot have big unreasonable goals like “get his number” or “lock in a date”. It has to be a freely given playfulness. A smile, a joke, a hello, a compliment (on something other than their physical person) … if the other person responds with the same enthusiasm (note: enthusiasm is not a synonym of politeness, politeness is bad. It is a NO in disguise!) and a conversation ensues, hallelujah!! That’s it.
Whoever you choose to flirt with doesn’t owe you anything so if they respond icily or awkwardly, be kind and let it go. Entitlement is gross, so don’t do it. You don’t have a right to anyone elses time BUT you might earn a little if you generously let yourself be the awesome, curious, delightful you that I know you are!
So get out there and be sweet to people. Go out on that limb because trust me, your love-muffin-to-be will thank you for the hard work you are putting in now and will be so grateful that you were courageous and bold enough to invest in the two of you meeting!!
WHOSE LOVE LIFE IS THIS ANYWAY???
Yours. Yup yours. And only yours. You are an incredible, interesting, loveable, sexy human being and you deserve all the goodness this gorgeous Universe has to offer. AND it’s your job to show up like a boss for yourself and for the magnificent love your heart yearns to give and receive. I know it wants a big, juicy love because you are reading this! So what do you want it to be like? Are you actually committed to taking responsibility for the vitality, caliber, and expansiveness of your love story?
Does this mean your past hurts are not valid? NO WAY! The trauma, harm, and pain is totally real. AND you get to be your own liberator and decide that these past disappointments and injuries do NOT get to govern the rest of your life.
I have been sexually harassed my whole life (I’m a woman after all), I was raped in high school, and I can’t even count the number of times I have been sexually assaulted by strangers as well as people I thought I could trust. I've watched how devastating divorce can be as well as the death of a spouse. These damages ran amok in my love life untended and unhealed for a long time but when I finally gave them the attention they deserved, I was able to re-write what I wanted love, intimacy, and relationships to look like. Do they rear their head sometimes? Of course, but for the most part I have a beautiful relationship with men, I love dating, and I have enjoyed some epic, cinematic love stories that are the stuff of daydreams.
YOU DO YOU
First and foremost, we’ve got to look at what you want the experience of dating to be. If we don’t know what we’re aiming for, it is VERY difficult to hit the bullseye. So… what do you want the experience to be like? What do you love doing? What have you always wanted to try? Sit down for a long minute and ask yourself what would really light up your dating life. Let's paint a picture where dating is something you look forward to and get excited about!
I personally have a few characteristics that I prioritize - high vibe, playful, flirtatious, fun, authentic, and screen-free. These are all things I can request and make happen myself. My dates are always super grateful for my clear and specific communication. It helps them know how to win the game and can take a lot of the anxiety and guesswork out of the equation.
Now doesn’t this sound like a dating game you could get on board with? You are doing things you love in a way that makes you feel like a champion and you’ve greatly increase the possibility of orbiting into the life of a soul gem who really tugs at your heart strings. I know, pretty fabulous, huh?
Now, download this worksheet to map out your old patterns and new strategies so you can begin to DARE TO DATE DIFFERENTLY!!!