Have You Ever Thought “I Would Rather Be Single and Happy Than Risk Another Disappointing Relationship”?
Have you ever thought “I would rather be SINGLE and HAPPY, than RISK another disappointing RELATIONSHIP.”
If so, I totally get it!
Why open yourself up to heartache again when you are so good at enjoying your life single?
I’ve asked myself this question many many MANY times.
I knew I could be happy single.
I did it for years.
I loved being single and all the freedom, growth, and success it afforded me.
I knew I could give myself an awesome life on my own.
I traveled a lot, took lovers, built my business, cultivated wonderful friendships, and spent a lot of quality time alone.
I was a fierce, independent woman and kicking ass at life.
So if I could guarantee myself an awesome life as a single woman, why would I risk that for a man and a chance at a relationship?
If my relationship history was any indication of what was to come, I did not have high hopes!
The men I was casually dating were attractive but painfully unavailable (emotionally, legally, geographically, etc.).
Or treated me well but we lacked that spark of chemistry or attraction.
So I created a really convincing story.
*** I would rather be single and happy, than be in a mediocre relationship and not. ***
I wasn’t going to settle for a mediocre relationship when I was so good at doing life on my own.
Because settling is for suckers!
This belief was a potent and powerful coping mechanism.
Now some people DO genuinely want to be single.
This post is not for them.
If you’re still reading this, there is a really good chance that you don’t actually want to be single but you’ve hypnotized yourself into believing this because the alternative is fucking painful to admit.
Underneath the self-sufficiency, success, and badassery there was a deeper, truer part of me that yearned for a fairytale love story.
I know this because of…
- the evenings of ugly crying with best friends over the unavailable guys and how they didn’t want to be with me…
- the pang of loneliness I felt at my best friends’ weddings that I attended solo when I really want an awesome man by my side…
- the subtle disappointment I experienced as I built an epic lifestyle and had no one to share it with…
- the silent, unspoken fear that I was running out of time to create the family I wanted with the man of my dreams…
It took a lot for me to admit this to myself.
Because the absence of that love in my life was painful and struck a deep chord of almost unbearable sadness.
Sometimes I would catch myself playing these questions on loop.
What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t I just be happy without it?
I probably need to be able to be happy without it before it will come.
How am I out of alignment?
I feel like I’ve done everything right, so where is he?
Can you relate to any of these?
This was all manageable though because the rest of my life really was good.
Until I realized that I was totally being a sucker because I was settling big time and hadn’t even realized it.
You see, my mind had created a false dilemma based on my past relational wounds.
I had made up a story that the only two options available to me were
A.) unfulfilling/painful relationship or
B.) being single
So I was picking the best of those two options.
But those are not the only two options.
There is an Option C.
Option C is:
Fuck those other two options.
Own the shit out of your desire.
Own the fact that you are the most qualified person on the planet to create it.
Own that you are in the best position to make it happen.
Own that what you’ve been doing hasn’t been fun and hasn’t been working.
Own that the kindest thing you can do is get loving help and effective support.
And own that you are the only person who knows the full breadth and beauty of what you want in love and relationship and so you are the absolute most perfect person to be in charge of bringing it into being.
Option C is that you do not choose the lesser of two evils.
Option C is choosing what you really want regardless of how unlikely or outlandish it might seem.
Option C is burning the boats behind you and claiming what you want for yourself and doing everything within your power to make it happen or die trying.
Is that dramatic?
I don’t actually think so.
I made a choice that I would dedicate my life to creating the imprint of love that I wanted to live and give life to during my time on this planet.
If it took one year, two years, twenty, or fifty, so be it.
I was going to die trying.
Because I knew that if I did not, I would look back on my life one day and regret that I hadn’t given myself the life I truly wanted.
And so I DECIDED.
And if I’m being honest I didn’t fully believe in it just because I decided.
But I began aligning my actions anyway.
I was betting the whole house on what I wanted so that I could say with confidence I did everything I could.
It was scary, and I felt like I was living in a state of utter nakedness and exposure.
I also felt wildly alive and exhilarated at betting on a reality I had no evidence existed yet!
I made that decision a year ago this week.
I decided that the ONLY option I would entertain was a life in which I got to create, live, and enjoy epic love and epic partnership.
I would not settle for being single because that was not what I wanted.
I would not settle for mediocre relationship because that was not what I wanted.
I would only entertain and tolerate my true desires.
And within three weeks Joshua walked into my life.
Within two months he wooed and pursued me with wild abandon.
Within four months he chose to be in devotional relationship with me.
Within six months we had moved in together (and did I mention HE BUILT ME A FREAKING HOME?).
And along the way I have been called to show up more powerfully and courageously than in any relationship ever before.
I have had to re-anchor to my inner Queen, highest self, and dreams with so much more faith that the woman I am today is truly in integrity with the woman I strive to be.
I am living my Option C.
Because that was the only option I gave myself permission to fuck with.
And if you want to live your Option C - to create the epic relationship and partnership you actually - I can help.
I’m inviting you to make a new decision.
A decision to make Option C your only option.
A decision to say “YES” to what you actually want.
And a decision to have the man, the relationship, and the partnership you truly want unhindered by your past experiences and limiting beliefs.
If you want that, I’d like to offer my support.
I’ve created a 15 page workbook for getting crystal clear on your Option C, including who you want to be, the kind of man you want to be in relationship with, and the kind of partnership and life you want to create together.
If you’d like a copy, hit “reply” to this article with “OPTION C” in the subject line and I’ll send you a copy!
Let the love begin!