Why Successful, Badass Women Have A Hard Time Landing A Relationship They Love (and 7 Steps To Make It Easier)

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Some of the very things that have made you successful in your career are what’s getting in the way of you having the love you want.

The skills you’ve used to take your business or career to soaring heights aren’t as applicable in the world of dating as you might hope.

I am not arguing that you stop being a savvy, exacting, wicked-smart business woman! En contraire!

I am proposing that you begin to explore and develop a new kind of ENERGETIC AGILITY.

If you’re like me, you want a man you “out mans” you. Who has that deep, masculine, mountainous presence. You want to be able to let your guard down, feel safe when you’re around him, and really get to relax into being because you know he’s got you. And I don’t mean this in a superficial, two-dimensional way. You want a man — who could come in any number of flavors — to know who he is, be grounded in his power, and to be powerfully present with you, life, and your relationship.

Can you relate?

As the CEO of your life, and possibly your business, you are used to being the one who makes all the decisions, to being responsible for how things go, and for needing to be in control. If you don’t get shit done, then who will? 

I get it. I am a fiercely independent woman, entrepreneur, proud feminist, and world traveler. I am good in a crisis and I am proud of how capable and self-sufficient I am.

And while being a badass babe in my business, personal growth, and globetrotting adventures feels good, that is not the part of me that I want to have to reside in when I am with my man. I want to feel like, well, a woman. And to me that means getting to feel and be radiant, embodied, loved, cherished, free, wild, sweet, fiery, fierce, tender, brave, and changeable.

Does this feel familiar? Do you want to play a different role in your love relationship than you do in your professional life?

Of course I still want to be respected fully, appreciated for my intelligence, and admired for my accomplishments but I don’t have to work hard at that part of myself. I am very well practiced at that version of me. It’s the wiley, juicy, unpredictable stuff that can feel like an elusive target.

Having the experience I want in relationship required me to cultivate a different mindset and a different skill set than what I had become so boss at in the rest of my life.

So if you are wanting to be your authentic version of Queen so that you can attract, connect, and co-create with your flavor of King, here are 7 Steps to make it easier to ignite your epic love story.

1. Slow Down and Get Present

When it comes to calling in deep, yummy, inspiring love it is going to need time and space to take root. If you are one of those people for whom busy is the default, it’s time for an upgrade girlfriend! You need to slow down and get present with yourself and whoever is orbiting into your life that you might want to connect with. 

The world has become metered by 15 second videos and living so fast that it’s easier to text than have a phone call. It’s allowed us to become VERY unpracticed at being present. So it’s important for you to find ways to get off your phone or laptop and into the moment.

Soul-tingling love is going to ask you to be powerfully present in order to find, create, and sustain it. So slow down and be here now.

2. Get In Your Body

Even if it is only 10 minutes a day, do something that gets you really fully into your body. If you don’t already have an embodiment practice, dancing is a great place to start. Set a timer for 10 to 12 minutes, or pick 3-4 songs, and dance nonstop for the full 10 - 12 minutes. Don’t worry about looking good or even following the beat. Do your best to let your body dance YOU and not the other way around. Give your body space to move it’s muscles and it’s bones the way it wants to. Getting into your body is the purest most powerful way to get in touch with your inner goddess. So give yourself the gift of 10 minutes a day and watch as you begin to feel vibrant and exude more confidence.

3. Feel Your Feelings

Listen to your feelings. They are here to teach you wondrous, impactful things. One of my favorite questions to ask myself is “If I gave myself permission to feel what I am really feeling, what would it be?” I probably feel 30 different things throughout the day from all across the spectrum. Usually when I acknowledge them and witness them they deliver whatever it is that they are here to show me and then I get to continue about my day.

When you numb out, you dampen your own vitality and radiance. You become disassociated from your fire, your sexuality, your wisdom, your joy, and your wildly diverse array of feminine expression - the energy signature of your unique signature of womanhood.

So feel your feelings, ask them what they are here to teach you, and be kind to yourself in the process. 


4. Want What You Really Want

Your desires are unique to you and they are a roadmap bequeathed to you by your best self. Your desire directs you towards your best life, so you have got to learn how to tap into it regularly. This one was hard for me and is still challenging sometimes. 

If you do or don’t want marriage, than awesome! If you do or don’t want children, than great! If you want monogamy, polyamory, or some other partnership structure, than woohoo! If you want to live in a commune, than dope! You want to be a power couple, than get it girl! Whatever you really want is ABSOLUTELY PERFECT for you and it will also be perfect for the right King for you, so own it soul sister!

The clearer you are and the more boldly you claim it, the faster your King is going to be able to find you. Own! That! Shit!

5. Do NOT Indulge in “Guessing Games”

This is crucial and women do it ALL THE TIME! Stop wondering what he means, avoiding saying things because you don’t think he will want to hear them, or doing anything else that involves making up what he thinks, wants, or will do. You are denying him your trust. You are denying him the opportunity to make choices for himself. You are disempowering him by not holding him as capable of making decisions, having complex conversations, being able to speak his own truth, or meet you in the middle. You are doing ALL the heavy lifting and 98% of it is just a bunch of hooey you made up based off that one thing he said that one time you went to tapas. 

So what can you do instead? 

Ask him. Ask him what he means. Ask him if he could explain to you in more detail so that you can understand better. Get generously curious with this person and find out what he’s saying and what it means to him.

6. Speak Your Truth

Now that you are getting clear on your real feelings and owning your real desires, it’s time to start having your truth’s back. It’s time to start shirking convention and telling people, especially suitors, what you really want now and in the long term. A man who thinks a relationship is too much when you want a relationship, is not your man! I do this work for a living and Kingly men reach out to me all the time. There is an abundance a freaking incredible men out there. (Just like there is an abundance of you exquisite, majestic AF queens!) And to a tee, they all say they want a woman who knows herself. This means knowing what you want and honoring it by claiming it out loud. A Queen knows her truth and loves it so much she offers it to the world with pride and self-love! So share your desire like the courageous gift that it is so that a man who is aligned with what you want can opt-in to the adventure of a lifetime with you!

7. Choose Open Heartedness

Over and over and over again ad infinitum. Protection pushes the love and connection you want away. Openness often feels raw, vulnerable, and scary but it is truly the only gateway to allow in the mouthwateringly spectacular love and relationship you want .

Here is the thing, hearts don’t actually break. They bruise, and sometimes really really badly. But if you check inside, you’ll find that she’s still in there, pumping away, and ready and willing to love again. It’s your mind that wants to protect. Not your heart. Your heart is courageous AF.

So let her do what she is so divinely designed to do and if she gets bruised, don’t worry, she’ll recover and be ready to venture forth again soon enough. It’s what she’s built for and what she craves to be free to express. So stop holding her back! Let her in the ring!

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You have built such a beautiful life for yourself and it’s time to begin the chapter in which you get to share it with the love of your life. He is out there looking for you and it’s time for you to get in alignment with your true desire so that you can both have the love you want and deserve. Go forth and believe in fairy tale love stories!

Theora Moench