Do You Ever Feel Unlucky in Love?

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Luck has nothing to do with it.

The truth is, you don’t really know what you are doing and not doing when it comes to creating lasting, fulfilling, activating love.

You are woefully uninformed and uneducated about epic love and it has set you up to experience love as something that you’re bad at and unable to “get right”.

So let’s explore…

THE MYTH:

Love is this magical, incredible thing that you kind of stumble into. 

It just happens.

If you keep putting yourself out there, eventually, someone amazing will appear and sparks will fly. 

If all goes well, you’ll introduce them to your friends and family a couple of months in and vice versa.

Then after a solid chunk of time, say 9 months to a year, you’ll move in together with the intention of getting married someday.

Then maybe kids, if that’s your thing, and you’ll grow old together.

Think about it. There is this invisible little text book inside you full of “shoulds” about when to divulge truths about your past, or when you should be meeting their folks, or how many dates to wait before sleeping with them. We all have a “Dating and Relationship How-To Manual” that is invisibly guiding our expectations for our dating and relationship life. We are constantly holding our real world connections up against this mythical “right” path that at some point we unconsciously concluded was what a normal, healthy relationship looked like.

Your internal “How-To Handbook of Love” isn’t just a reference though, it comes complimentary with dating and relationship “software programs” that you’ve uploaded into your brain from a variety of VERY unreliable sources: your parents or guardians’ relationship, how you were treated growing up, media input (like romantic comedies, tragic dramas, and television shows = YIKES!), as well as the lessons you’ve learned along your own dating journey and the conclusions you’ve drawn about what those experiences say about you and the caliber of people out there.

Which leads us to…

THE REALITY:

Most people are using a “fingers crossed” approach to love and relationship. 

It’s pretty arcane, unsophisticated, and ineffective.

Option 1:

You and another person cross your fingers and hope that “it’ll workout this time” and you do your best to hodgepodge together a relationship with a mixture of spoken and unspoken agreements. These agreements are usually set up in such a way that they are focused on us getting out own needs met through this other person.

Doesn’t sound super sexy, does it?

Because it’s not.

These relationships are often draining, involve a lot of contorting, and often lead to resentment and painful frustration at the other person as well as yourself. Just look back at your past relationships that have ended.

If you’re like me, you’ve settled for this kind of relationship in the past. Think of the one(s) you stayed in for too long. You and A LOT of other people settle for this kind of relationship because—

  1. You think this is normal and therefore the best you can hope for, you’ve just got to try and make it work.

    and…

  2. You want love but will settle for connection because the alternative - loneliness - is far scarier.

The other option that has becoming more and more popular is—

Option 2: 

You settle for “opting out”.

You put a relationship on the back burner and effectively neglect this part of your life.

Even though you want an awesome relationship, you postpone participating in a way that would increase your chances of actually having it because you’re afraid that you are going to keep creating more of the same pain, disappointment, frustration, and rejection.

It certainly feels safer, less painful, and less dramatic than Reality Option 1.

But both of these options sport a massive blindspot.

Which brings me to…

THE UPGRADE:

Love is the single greatest amplifier for your experience of life here on planet Earth.

While you don’t need it to be happy, the truth is not having it DOES detract from your happiness and having it would make you happiest.

So it no longer makes sense to use a trial-and-error “fingers-crossed” approach.

It’s time to sophisticate your approach to love and relationship and leverage the canon of tools and information out there to “do” it differently.

You can learn an entirely new body of knowledge and a new arsenal of tools to support you to create the love and relationship you want.

This is not about being someone else by any stretch of the imagination.

This is about understanding what’s going on underneath the hood so that you can work WITH your own essence and the essence of your desired partner to create chemistry, ease, excitement, and delight.

Love and relationship no longer have to be a mystery rife with anxiety, fear of failure, fear of rejection, or fear of hurting others.

You can begin to learn the dynamics that are at play. 

Like the energetics of intimacy, how our brains function differently, and how we are hardwired neurologically and spiritually to evolve differently throughout our lifetimes.

And you might as well learn about them because they are affecting your experience whether you know it or not.

Becoming fluent in new love and relationship “languages” will improve your experience of dating, allow you to connect more deeply with your partner or prospects, retain your sense of personal power, and enable you to create wondrously dynamic experiences of intimacy, partnership, and love with a partner of your dreams.

Your dream partnership is on the other side of a new education. 

It’s time for you to toss out the text book and begin to re-write the dating and relationship software programs that have been running the show so that you can begin to live a new love story, the one that culminates in an unbelievable relationship with a truly remarkable partner.

So if you are ready to begin self-educating and want to intentionally author your love story moving forward, check out the resources I have assembled. These are the mentors, teachers, and authors who have guided my path to epic love and they can support you in your journey too!

Theora Moench